My Endless Story

One way or another. That’s exactly it. What direction in life do you take. The one that everyone expects you to take or the one that you have all ways wanted to? The path that is the easy way or the one that is a bit more difficult but makes you truly more happy? How I wish that there was a path right in the middle that you had the best of both worlds. It’s unfortunate that there isn’t but that’s just life. Life isn’t fair it has it ups and downs but…. See now there I can’t give you any more on that. That’s a fact I’m not going to give you the fluff answer that you want to hear. That gets you no where. The fluff puts this idea in your head that you will have your heart broken or just the sheer fact of being let down, and no one likes that. Being let down or told a faquade is hard. It makes you a stronger person. Well it should, it has with me. It’s made me a bigger and better person. It’s taught me how to be a selfless person, a strong independent woman and so much more.

I’ve come to the point in my life where I am stuck at the fork in the path. Do I take one way or another? I will not give up. I may sit criss crossed applesauce in the middle and struggle with what path to take but I will figure it out.

I’ve started down the path that is harder but personally it’s going to be way more awarding. I am taking on a lot that makes other happy as well as me but I have my own thing that makes me happy. It’s something that I don t have to share with anyone who I dont want to.

I want to share it with as many people as I can but I am afraid.

I shouldn’t have to be afraid, if people really cared about me and my happiness they wouldn’t judge, they would just accept it and be happy that I am happy.

He makes me happy, laugh, smile, want to be a better person, a better speller, a person who knows about whats going on in the world, a more observant person, selfless, and more.

Yep he makes me happy. I hope I make him happy.

One can hope.

Xoxo
A

elfitch:

the national average pant size is 14, so stop watching what you eat and start watching who influences your ideas of beauty.

There are so many sides of you, I learn a new one all the time.

Keep it coming

Long, Late and eventful nights. There is nothing like them. They happen all the time. Luckily for me they happen. I am making memories that will last a life time, and I get to spend time with such amazing people. They know how to make me laugh for hours or just enough until I cant breath anymore. Its so refreshing that I get to have nights like these. I find my self struggling to put in words exactly how it is. That’s just it, I cant. I could sit here and try to find the right words but that still wouldn’t do it justice. Its such a experience that you would have to experience to understand. Its just one of those moments where you can have something remind you of that time and you will forever smile. Polenta has now became a little Mexican boy named Holenta lost in the grocery store.

Forever smile :)

At the end of the night is all ways the best. There is so much respect that its just outstanding, and that’s how it should be. I am a firm believer on it as well. There is no rush in anything. Building up to it is just going to make it so much well… euphoric. But the heavy breathing, the shaking and having a hard time walking after instead of watching the documentary was the cherry on the cake.

Ill leave you with this;

Be happy while you’re living, for you’re a long time dead.  ~Scottish Proverb

Don’t hold back. Live for the moment you wont regret it. The only thing you will regret is if you don’t, and I wont let that happen.

XOXO

A

(Source: stephie019)

When I was with him I was thinking of you. Sucks for him… Good for you.

(Source: misswallflower)

Just a calm moment before getting back to the world.

So bad do I wish to be able to just get lost some where soon. I would love to be able to go on vacation to a ocean and just breath in the fresh sea air and get reconnected to my self. There is just something about looking in to a vast range of something to make you humble again. I have only been to the ocean once when I was little and I don’t really remember it but from what I hear there’s nothing better then going there and just looking out in the ocean and thinking about everything. It makes you feel so well … Apart of a bigger thing than what you live everyday. You have to think that underneath that water lives a completely different world a world that someday I wish to explore. I think I would think about that and to know that in some way we are all connected by the sea. You can get anywhere in the world if you get in a boat and just sail.
Not only do I want to go to the ocean but I am dying to go in to the forest. It killed me knowing I am so close to the rocky mountains and I still haven’t gone and gotten lost in them yet. The forest brings wildlife and the freshest purest air you will ever breath. There is just something about that air that brings back a spark in you that you forgot was there. The air is so clean and cold it just invigorates your body, in a way it detoxifies it. No phones no I pods no I pads just you and nature and someone to share it with.

I asked for this for my birthday from someone. I just want to go get lost in the woods and camp.

Reconnect with myself again.

Somedays I feel like I have lost a part of me. I know it’s there and I can get it back.

As it says in Amazing Grace ” once was lost but now I’m found”

You have to get lost to find your way back. You will be a better person after.

Have a good day. Change the world. I will surly try.

Live Laugh Love

A

It’s the simplest things in life that are the most beautiful.
Don’t take the little things for granted, they are just as beautiful.
Live in the moment
Laugh at everything you can
&
Love with your whole heart.

Well today has been a … Well just a different kind of day. You can’t take the good without the bad. I had such a relaxing day yesterday. Did nothing but hang out with someone I care about and just did nothing. Getting to know someone on a deeper lever is such a amazing experience.

But Iike I said you can’t take the good without the bad. Today I had to take my fathers cats to be put up for adoption. This was one of the hardest things I have had to do in a while. I wasn’t really close with the cats but that’s not the point. I have been around these cats for 5 al most 6 years now. But unfortunately my dad picked a apartment where they did not accept animals. Wouldn’t you think that if someone really cared about these animals they would pick a place where they would be accepted?

It really just baffles me on this fact. Animals are so loving and are there for your companionship not to just be able to be given back when it’s not conveint for you. I have a cat and a dog here at my mothers house. Maxamillion is my cat and my child. I truly could not see my life without him and all of his anticts. He finds a new way to all ways make me smile. I have had him sence he was a kitten now he is 7. He is the best cat ever. I know everyone says that about their animals. But you too would agree with me on this one. Max is the best cat ever.
He knows how to make me smile and feel loved when I don’t.

Now my dog Riley is a chocolate lab and is the funniest dog ever. He does the oddest things you could think that would come from a dog. Riley is the one that if I feel like doing something outside and no one else wants to I can count on him to go on hikes with me, run with me and pushes me when we are running. No matter how tiard he gets he will find a way to come find me and make sure he says hello to me and good night before bed.

The animals I have had in my life are so amazing. They have taught me to love every kind of mammal on earth. I give so much of the person I am today to my mother. She has taught me to love animals and cherish them. At a young age I knew that animals were something special, they are not something indisposiable. I have a weird thing with animals. They trust me and I can trust them. A dog that might be mean is respectable and nice to me, shy scared animals reach out to me and find comfort in the person who I am.

I guess you could say I am a bleeding heart. It’s a gift and a curse.

Love animals for who they are. They are beautiful creatures who just want the same love and respect you give other people.

Just something to think about …

Xoxo
A

(Source: flickr.com)

Here I sit alone in the dark at 930 finding my self listing to Taylor Swift’s song Never Grow Up. Makes me think… I dont ever want to grow up.. Yet who does? Life seems so much easier when your little. No cares in the world, no added pressure, no feelings of loss and rejection. People will all ways tell me “Well thats just a fact of growing up.” But really is it? Does it have to be that way? I look at a lot with a very optimistic out look. I see the good in people insted of the bad, and I believe with so much of my being that everything will work it self out in the end.

Yet when it comes to my own life or my own situations I just cant follow my optimistic outlook on life. Why? Good question, If I knew why do you think I would live that way? I believe that I can give the best advice in the world to others but I just cant seem to take my own advice. I really do wish that I could live my own life with that same optimisim that everyone knows me for. I want to, I really do. I dont want to have to all ways question everything that I do in my life, or the events that happen in my life.

I frequently find my self all ways asking ” Is this really happening to me?” I have a lot of doughts in  stuff that happens to me. I guess you could just say it is from the events in my past that have made me that way and I would be able to agree with you fully. I can think of a hand full of things that have made me in to the girl who cant just believe that the good things in her life are happeing and its OK.

The majority of these feelings happen when it comes to guys. It really does suck, I hate it. Its not fun … ever. Its to the point that I sometimes have a hard time believing when people tell me that they like me for who I am, that I am a truly beautiful person so on and so forth. OK honestly when I say sometimes I really mean like all the time. I do appreciate it when people tell me that, I just fake my self out of letting it be ok and accepting it.

Yeah if I look back at my past relationships with the guys I have seen I can tell you that it has come from all of them. Granted there is not a lot but they all shaped me and made me a little bit more timid.

The first guy, I was infatuated with, but unfortunatly he didnt feel the same until I move away to Arizona 5 years later. This one was the hardest one of them all. The feelings of rejection were apprent all the time. Not only that I was selling my self short by all the late night hook-ups. That wasnt me. I was the girl who was shy and would stand my ground, not the girl I became with him. He made me his little puppy. I would do everything for him. He would tell me that he was going to come to hang out with me and I would cancle all my plans and just wait for that next text saying “I am here.” I cant tell you how many nights I sat on my dads front porch just waiting. Its really kind of sad. Why I stuck around for as long as I did I Have no clue at all.

The next boy was the one I got a taste of what it was like to be someones possession. At the beginning it wasnt that way at all. If I knew it was going to be the way it was I wouldnt have taken it as far as it went. We met at the Howdy Show, its where we worked. I remeber the first night we worked I spotted him and was just like I am going to try and make this one happen. Oh boy did I pull out everything for it. Unfortunatly at the time I had to compete with another girl.. story of my life. Not one of my favorite things I all ways think about is when I first got his number we had a full night that ended with this other girl him and I hannging out at a bonfire and him texting me that its a competition to get him.

I won.

Kind of a low thing for him to say, kind of a dumb thing for me to stay around. Still to this day he wont admit to saying it but trust me, he did. Our whole relationship was all about him as much as I tryed to make it about US. I became something that was his and no one else. He would get so pissed if I would look at another guy let alone talk to one. He all ways called me his little flirt. Ill admit it, yeah I am a flirt but thats just my personality. I used this to my advantage to piss him off when he would piss me off. Not only was I his but he felt that he could hook up with me whenever he wanted. He would try to sweet talk me. It never worked, and he TRIED all the time. He made me feel like I was just something that was only there so no one else would have it. It ended with him moving to another state by me telling him to go. He came back and I was dumb and fell for him again and spilled my feelings out for him. The last time I ever told a guy how I really felt.

The last one is well not only the hardest for me to admit to my self, its hard to just still believe it happened. He was a amazing guy. Bought me stuff I wanted even though I didnt need it, made me happy, and above all not only made me smile but made me feel wanted by someone. It was grate. Until he came out to visit me in AZ. He was a very sexual guy. All ways wanted to do something. He crossed the line one night while I was sleeping and I ended things with him after he left over a text. Not one of my finest moments but it was a must.

So you now know the important enough details on the past to bring us full circle to present. You never really understand how much people shape you in to who you become until you actually look back on it. I used to surround my self with people who wernt the best for me as a growing individual. But now I find that I have the best people in my life. I have people who lift me up as a individual and who respect me in more ways than one. It should be that way, I souldnt have to have the pressure to hook up with someone because thats not what its all about all the time. Sometimes its ok to dork out for a day and do nothing but play Call Of Duty till 3am.

I might say that I dont want to grow up in some ways. But in many other ways I cant wait to see what life brings my way. The places I will see, the people I will meet, and the things I will do. There will be bumps along the way but I need to bring my optimism back to my self and know it will be ok and that it will work out for the best one day. It may not be tomorrow or a week from now but one day it will and I will know when it does.

(Source: where-the-heart-is)

Yeah I was scared shitless to go on this ride

(Source: jneuner21)